someone heal this broken heart.

i got alot of bad news this week. i got answers to questions ive had eating away at me for 2-3 YEARS but now that i know, i wish that i didnt.
i had an MRI and a bone scan this tuesday and got the results thursday. i have degenerative disc disease. (in my spine) it will never go away and it will never be cured. i am going to feel this much pain every day for the rest of my life. i'm in the middle of weaning off the narcotics that have kept me going the last two years... its painful and its hard but the doc says no amount of meds will ever help me, so lets not sacrafice the liver and the heart. i will have to undergo numerous surgeries. the first will be two "block" injections, then a radiofrequency neurotomy which to me sounds like clipping nerves.. i dont know. all that is to TRY and get my pain down by only 50%. that would be a miracle. says this doc. then i will have to have surgery to cut out one of my discs. but my spine will be continuously deteriorating for the rest of my life. im going to be in immense pain every single day of the rest of my life. i wish i didnt know...
after that appointment i took my mother to the doctor where i found out she has a very progressive memory disorder. no good news there... the worst news came last night when my father called to inform me that the doc had typed up every word i told him during a private phone conversation. up until this point everyone has been mum about my mothers condition for fear of making her feel bad. well i love my mother and i miss her and all i want is to help her so i told the truth and that fucker typed up every word and mailed it to my parents. needless to say they are pretty pissed as shit. my mother wont even speak to me. my father is so angry, i spent all of yesterday sobbing hysterically. i've always been a daddys girl. my fathers opinon of me means more then anything. and with all the marriage issues i've been having it feels like my dad is the only one i've got. (not to mention my dad also has degenerative disc disease so he knows how i feel...) i feel terrible for disrespecting my mother but i just wanted to help her so badly...
i feel so lost. so hopeless. so sick. so stuck. so alone. i would give anything to find someone who could love and care for me and give me the emotional support that i desperatly need right now.
i'll be leaving for chuch in about 15mins here and the elders are going to try to do a prayer healing on my, to at least get me through the withdrawls. i have FAITH. i wish my heart could be healed as well.
xo Kay.