with great joy and sadness.

on January 8th 2012 my baby girl turned three whole years old! i am so proud of her, each and every day, fighting, working, proving every doc wrong about her "quality of life". she is a silly, sassy, gorgeous little girl. she is helpful, she is caring, she is the sweetest person i know. we didnt have a party yet, (its on saturday) since erics mom was in italy & she didnt want to miss it. but my best friend since 4th grade, miss ellie (aunti El ) came and had lunch with us, and that was a blast.

on Jan. 6th i got confirmation of one of my greatest fears. i am loosing my mother. she has finally been diagnosed with early onset alzhemeirs at the tender age of...mid 50s? (she turns 29 every year) my mother, my best friend, my rock. she is going to forget me. she is going to forget all our good times, she'll forget being the only one there for the birth of all three of my babies. she will forget them too. and then she'll pass away. tell me God, will you still let this dedicated servant of yours into heaven even if she forgets you? though this did not really come as a surprise, i still had hope.. but now that hope is gone. i am not handling this well, i cry every day... my mother was always there for me, every single day, even when i got pregnant at 16, she always supported me. i could tell her anything. we laughed together every day. i am not ready to switch rolls with her.. i will take care of her, but i still need her to take care of me... so.. thats that. right now i'm just trying to grasp it all...