Letters from Home...: the basis of survival..

"when you see only one set of footprints... it was then i carried you."
-footprints poem.

yesterday was my big day. i survived it, but only because i was heavily distracted. my mom had to be rushed to the hospital up north - she was very confused and couldnt speak right. found out she has a cyst in the memory center of her brain that causes "transient global amnesia" (basically: fits of forgetting everything) the "cure" has a 50% chance of killing her so we arent going to try it. we're going to take her to a nuerologist in milwaukee & see if they have any other options for us.... its a good thing, to know why shes so diffrent.. but its hard and its scary. thats my mommy....
i think there's only been one year when i wasnt up north over his birthday.. at first it seemed smart, just run away again. but the hurt followed me, and up there i had all the time in the world to think, analyze, hurthurthurt.
i was able to have fun with my kids too... i took them to a wildlife petting zoo. we had a blasst! we all really enjoyed it.
today will be full of unpacking...yikes.
i am still hoping you will find me....that you will help me figure this all out. that we can work it out, i dont want the bad blood anymore....we were kids. kids are mean. but we're not kids anymore and i dont want to be mean anymore, i want us to get thru this together....so if you see this...go down to 7/16 (or was it 17?) 2011's entry... and please, if you dont hear anything else, hear this: i am sorry. and please, let me tell you why... xo, Kels

hailyn's first boat ride with daddio...