hold on hope..

oh you gotta hold on hope.. its the last thing.. thats holdin' me..

life can be so wild sometimes! there have been so many things going on in this pretty little head of mine. i can sit down in my rocking chair and look out the window and just get utterly lost in my thoughts for hours at a time. granted i dont really get to sit down like that very often, what with the kids being on erratic nap schedules. (sleep sync? i wishhh.) ive been doing morning yoga lately and it has definetly improved something within me. im not sure what. i dont feel as "blahhhhh" when i wake up in the morning. thats definetly nice! friday i got to see my sister macy for the first time since july 2010. i finally got to meet my nephew & godson Grayson, who's already 8 months old!! he's bigger then my phenix matthew who is past a year! he is the sweetest, calmest, most beautiful little chitlen! i love lovelove him! we spent about 2 hours on friday at my aunts house, with our aunt n uncle, parents, and me & my kids & my sister, her hubby & graygray. saturday afternoon i got to watch him for about 3 hours while my sister was the maid of honor in her best friends wedding. it was awesome spending the quality time with grayson. i got to spend some time with my new(ish) brother in law sean, who is really the nicest guy, i'm so glad my sister got her happy ending. i had the 3 kids alone for a little bit, total chaos, then eric joined us and then it was a cake walk. it was pretty fun. my favorite picture is me with 3 crying kids. they only cried for that one minute! otherwise they were pretty good! trying hard to ignore that baby itch cuz now is soooo not the time. anyway, it was incredible spending time with them and i hope its not another year before i get to see them again. i was dissappointed to not get any time with my sister but, it'll come some time. i got to witness my cousin marry her long-time love.. they've known eachother for what seems like forever and dated all through high school. i had the pleasure of being friends with both of them in high school as well, not to mention alyssa is my cousin so ive had the joy of knowing her all my life=] alyssa means alot to me. she was the only one who showed up to my "baby shower" that my best friend through my in high school when i had my first child soph year.. i woke up to her holding my head in her lap when i passed out at school, and she sat there holding me, refusing to leave until the ambulance (And my mom) showed up. she walked me outside even. she helped me with my math homework even though she was younger. she'd let me lie to my mom that i was with her so i could sneak off & go meet my boyfriend. we had a lot of good times together. seeing her so happy really made my heart soar for her. i just wanted to cry tears of joy! so this weekend was definetly a big one, full of beautiful, emotional things. i'm so glad my sister, and my cousin, and others that i know are getting their much deserved happy ending. honestly, i feel like im personally in a "cloudy" part of my life right now, but witnessing things like this, gives me hope that sun will come shining through some day. that we will all get our happy endings and our sunny days. waiting is hard. feeling lost and alone sucks. but i can only hope that some day sooner rather then later i'm gunna figure out what i need to do, find my answers, find my love, and feel the warm sun on my skin...
xo K