.love.hate.

ohh how i miss the days that felt like a fairy tale.
i am learning hard lessons right now.
i am learning that life cant always be happy
relationships cant always be perfect
friends dont always act like they should

i thought we were an exception. i thought we were this perfect love story. i thought i KNEW i would never end up like "that" but here i am. alone and broken. trying so hard to act like im strong enough to do it on my own. i want to blame you. i want to blame the establishment you gave your soul to...i want to find answers but its like the desicion making part of my brain is frozen. your temper is so terrible...i'm afraid of you. our kids live in fear of you. this isnt how our fairy tale was supposed to be. we;re supposed to be living the dream right now! we're supposed to be buying our forever home and decorating and being so much happier in the civilian world but i find myself longing, and i know you are too, to go back in time. go back to california much as we hated it, but at least it was safe. and it was familiar. and you felt strong like you needed too, and i felt protected like i needed too. instead of being here where we feel like children. i hope we can get back to where we need to be...today gave me hope..but your fuse is so short and my strength is almost gone... i just dont know what to do...